Adventure #3-A Year of Mourning-The Bonfire

A Year of Mourning                                                                            April 6, 2021

 Little did I know a little over a year ago when I wrote the previous blogs that my life was going to change dramatically in five days. Although written a year ago I just posted the English tea one. I was waiting to attach pictures with it but that never happened. On March 25, 2020 Mark was diagnosed with brain tumors and twelve days later he took his last breath here on earth. There was no way that I was going to continue on with my 63 adventures for my 63rd year of life. In the beginning it was all I could do to get out of bed, cook for myself, and get my dishes done.

For better or for worse the activities of the past year are posted on Facebook. I have recently discovered that it is not easy to go back and find older posts. I suppose there is a way to do it but I don't know how. This is something that I knew academically but I didn't know how frustrating it would be until I tried to find one of my earlier posts. I wrote extensively of my daily activities throughout the year with pictures. It helped keep me sane and to feel connected in a time of Covid -19 isolation. 

Now all that journaling is lost to me. So I am switching to this blog format in an attempt to remedy that for the coming year. I have decided to resume my 63 adventures, now 64 as I've had another birthday. My daughter suggested that I should make it 65, a number with a ring to it, to be completed on my 65 birthday, roughly a year from now. So the countdown begins. 65 adventures in 344 days. 

I am going to count the previous two adventures towards my goal as 65 seems like a lot to me right now. Perhaps adventures is the wrong word but I use it because I can think of no better one. Many of the things will just reflect changes in my thinking that will affect the way I approach life which will in turn impact the way I do things. Like making proper tea for myself. A habit that is still being developed as I often grab a favorite mug. It just seems easier. 

Today marks the first anniversary of Mark's death. (As I write the word death, I am reminded of a humorous article I once read of all the ways we convey the meaning without saying the word: kick the bucket, bought the farm, passing, etc.) How does one honor a loved one? What do you do? I had no idea really and I had no way of knowing how I would feel when the actual day arrived. 

I have discovered that the my tears don't wait for the designated day. Typically my emotional storm arrived a few days up to a week before the actual significant day. This time was no different. Tuesday was the official anniversary day but Saturday night and Sunday morning, Easter, I was thankful for the new box of tissues by my bed. By mid morning Sunday,the storm clouds were clearing and I decided to stick with the plan and headed out to my son's in Puyallup. It was a leisurely day of food preparation and chit chat. Becky and her family arrived after church. 

Although I felt mostly numb, it was good to all be together. The grandkids laughed and played games, the adults exchanged news and we all ate more than we should: ham, steak, cheesy potatoes, salad, and green bean casserole with a pistachio concoction for dessert. Oh, I forgot the deviled eggs, hot rolls and baked beans. Afterwards the younger crew headed to the park while Chris helped me get the bike rack and my new bike onto the car. All too soon I was saying goodbye and headed for home. 

Monday after spending several hours in quiet reflection and Bible study, I decided to head to the beach. I love the ocean but it has been hard for me to go there because it was one of the last places that Mark and I went together, on my birthday. He was quite sick at the time although we didn't know why so it wasn't altogether a successful outing. 

I needed to make peace with the past by extending forgiveness and understanding. Each time I thought I had, there arose another layer of the onion that needed peeling away exposing the ugly emotions of anger and resentment and hurt rotting away underneath. I needed and wanted to reach the center of the onion. I longed to be able to enjoy the ocean again in all its glory and majesty. 

It took all afternoon but I found the peace I was seeking. Grace and I walked along the beach at Ocean Shores but too many other dogs kept her agitated and did not lend itself to quiet reflection. We moved on to Ocean City, less people meant fewer dogs. Another walk brought us to a driftwood tree, roots still attached, that made an excellent seat. The sun was shining, a cool but not cold breeze coming in off the ocean. Tired from all her running, Grace was content to sit quietly with me for awhile. 

Both of these beaches are accessible to vehicles. On the way home, I stopped at a third, Copalis Beach, which required you to park and walk a short distance to the beach. I looked at Grace, she looked at me, and we both decided that exploring this one would have to wait for another day. Instead I parked the car by a river running  into the sea in the distance and ate my salad supper. Grace was surprised and happy that I had remembered to bring her a couple of dog bone treats. 

All the fresh air and walking enabled me to sleep the night away. Thankfully Domino's night time prowling, attempting to get out the locked window cat door, which happens to be in my bedroom, did not prevent me from falling back asleep. Tuesday, the first anniversary of Mark's death had arrived and I was in no hurry to get up and start the day so I looked through all my pictures on my phone posting a collage of photos of Mark. Two cats and a dog slowly but surely pushed me closer and closer to the edge of the bed so finally I decided about ten, it was time to get up. 

So what do you do to honor a loved one? Mark's sister blessed me with a huge bouquet of flowers so later in the afternoon Becky's family and I walked to the cemetery with Grace and put some on Mark's grave. My son and his wife blessed me with a gift to buy some flowers for my gardens, So Becky and I stopped at Safeway and found two clematis, one purple, the other red, a honeysuckle, and a peony plant. I didn't expect to find anything there but was pleasantly surprised. 

Becky and I had only a few minutes at my house for reflection before Byron and the kids arrived. Our trip to the cemetery was brief because the anticipation for the bonfire was upper most in their minds. It seemed appropriate to burn my Christmas tree and the two scarecrows that they had made in the fall. And did that fire burn. Hot and high and fast. The first year of mourning has passed. As my friend said, "There will be no more firsts." For that I am thankful. 

                                   

Afterwards we all enjoyed steak and hotdogs, rice, strawberries, asparagus, and salad. For dessert we indulged in chocolate cake  and of course toasted marsh mellows with Hersey's chocolate bars. No graham crackers for official s'mores as those who like them can't eat them, allergies, and the rest of the crew don't like them. 

Maddie passed out the thank-you baskets that I funded for which Becky and Maddie did the shopping. Lovely thoughtful surprises greeted us all. Without the support of my family, this year would have been impossible. Afterwards we made up a story using the story clue dice and our action figures: Tigger, Olaf, and three action heroes for whom I don't remember their names. All too soon the fire was dying down, the cool night time air no longer chased away by the flames. It was time for everyone to head home and for me to head inside. Button and Domino agreed as it was well past their supper time. Grace was reluctant to say goodbye to her best buddy, Caleb, but she too was hungry. 

A new tradition was born tonight. A springtime bonfire to burn the Christmas tree and anything else that seems appropriate. The first bonfire of the summer, not quite here yet but almost, hopefully with many more fires to come.  I had originally thought of burning the tree New Year's Eve as a tribute to the Ecuadorian custom of burning effigies at midnight, out with the old, in with the new. However Washington weather is wet and cold that time of year so ours will be the sometime during the first stretch of warm weather in the spring, whenever Mother Nature provides that. 

PS I am just learning how to navigate this blog site so some of the pictures aren't in the order I'd prefer and I don't know if I can caption any of the photos yet.