Adventure #4-The Middle of the Room

 The Middle of the Room

It is impossible to predict which losses the absence of a spouse will cause to be felt most.  Ordinary ones like companionship and shared decision making are fairly obvious. Others are less so like motivation to cook for just yourself.  Most often we talk about loss in the same way that we believe it is disrespectful to speak ill of the dead. To speak of things gained somehow is inappropriate. There needs to be space to talk about both.  

Mark was always a strider whereas I am a stroller. He walked briskly even in the house. (When he started shuffling through the house, then I knew that he was not well.) A consequence of this was that he didn't want any furniture in the middle of the room. Marriage is a compromise so without really realizing it, I stopped years ago trying to put anything in the middle of the room. The chairs, bookcases, even the dining room table were pushed dutiful against the walls. 

In a smaller room that is okay. With larger rooms like we have in our current home, one is left with empty, dead space in the middle of the room.   I was not as fond of that feel and look as Mark was. But it was not something that I particularly thought about, I just knew that my home wasn't as cozy as I wanted it to be although I never analyzed why. 

Early on I rearranged the living room furniture as I didn't want to sit and stare at Mark's empty chair every night next to the wood stove.  Since I built smaller, less frequent fires, I wanted my chair there instead away from the cold, drafty kitchen doorway.  As well as the removal of the television changed the whole focus of the room.Bookcases were moved, removed, and put back in different places.  A child's small table became an adult sized one. And just recently, the computer desk was moved out along with Mark's recliner chair and the pew window seat was added. 

The small table found the perfect home in the middle of the room. It is used the way the old time kitchen table used to be: for eating, paying bills, writing letters, and having tea. It makes a wonderful game table, just right for one or two people. The living room is now cozy. 

As I have been arranging and rearranging the furniture in the sitting room, I haven't been able to get it just right. Finding placements that are not only practical but eye pleasing as well has alluded me. Then something jolted me out of the rut that I didn't even know I was in. I could put the dining room table in the middle of the room. It no longer had to be pushed against a wall. It is perfect there, at least in my eyes. 

So I am on the adventure of putting furniture in the middle of the room. I feel like a kid let loose in a candy store. It has brought me great joy drastically out of proportion with what I have gained. I few feet of floor space in the middle of the room; something that I didn't even know that I had lost. 




PS Even my cats approve. The weekend clutter is evident but I decided not to edit the photo as it documents the struggles of my life right now. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Adventure #8-Journey to Wholeness

Image
                           Journey to Wholeness-Start with What You Know Many moons ago now, we as missionaries in Ecuador, had just experienced the burning of one of our partially built churches by opposing forces. In the aftermath when we were trying to make sense out of a senseless act of vandalism and figure out what came next, one of the ladies was fond of saying, "In the darkness, remember what you knew or learned in the light." At the time I found her advice very unhelpful and almost meaningless. Now her words return to me and I find that they are applicable to my current situation.  Mark's sister and husband just left after a week's visit. The family gathered at my house for a pleasant day of visiting and bbq'd steak and shrimp. We had a lovely time and they got to see a lot of western Washington. They spent a day exploring the coast as far south as Seaside, Oregon. I joined them for a drive around t...
Read more

Adventure #5- Who Am I?

Image
 Who Am I? Wedding ceremonies are rife with talk of "and the two shall become one flesh". However there is no expression that I know of for the reverse process that happens when you loose a spouse and become one again in your own right. Just as two becoming  one is not an instantaneous process neither is becoming whole again.  One of the most unexpected and difficult emotions of the past year has been how lost I have felt. Who was I? What did I want? What made me, not us, happy? I didn't know. And to a large extent I still don't know. Perhaps in part because of who Mark was dictated who I was for so many years. He was a pastor so I was a pastor's wife.    Not all but most jobs do not dictate who the wife is. The wife of a plumber, or factory worker, or cab driver is just a wife. Her identity is found in her job, or her children, or hobbies, but not in the job of her husband.  The job of pastor is different. I embraced being a pastor's wife and spent much of...
Read more

Adventure #10-Inktober

Image
      At the beginning of October, my sister, the artist, began posting ink sketches with the hashtag inktober followed by one word. It took me several posts before it donned on me that they were her sketches.  In my defense, she frequently shares other artist's work. It took me even longer to make the connection between the word and her drawing as her art is a bit on the abstract side. (Technically it is not classified as abstract, that is just how I think of it as I can never remember the correct term for her style of painting.)  A few days later, more by accident than design, I touched #inktober and a link popped up explaining it was a challenge to draw an ink sketch everyday of October. I had never heard of it so the added information was very helpful. To aid inspiration, each day is given a word. The idea of trying to sketch each day appealed to me but as I scanned the list of words, I felt no connection. Out of curiosity, I scrolled down through other post...
Read more